Recently I got married and overall had a great day during it but it wasn’t the only thing going on that day.
Two great friends died in the last two months and I had to try and cope with grief and loss at a time of high stress with a wedding and a mental health problem.
The second friend’s funeral in fact was on the same day as my wedding so it was a very mixed bag of emotions.
I was happy on my wedding day, of course I was but I was also very conscious of the pressure to be happy because it was my wedding day.
In the lead up to the wedding things got too much for me and I shut down.
I didn’t feel like I had enough time to grieve my friends and I certainly didn’t have enough time to get all the wedding things done.
I don’t really have much advice for how to cope in this situation however I can say that having a good support system is essential.
Luckily for me I had the support of friends, family, and my husband and when I shut down and stopped being able to deal with the practical things that needed to be done other people stepped up and took on the responsibilities but emotionally I wasn’t in a great place at all.
Everyone was asking me if I was excited to be getting married and honestly I wasn’t excited about anything.
I just felt grief that was knocking me over each day and getting through the work was about all I could do.
In the few days I had off before the wedding I had a house full of family so not a lot of time to myself.
I don’t really know how I got through it all, I can tell you I was happy to be married to my lovely husband but I was also stressed and sad and anxious at times throughout the day.
Now post wedding I am feeling very delicate and have had to go back to the doctors to review medications and try and sort myself out.
The pressure of a wedding combined with the grief of losing friends has been awful and I do not feel very well at the moment.
Sometimes you have to realise your own limitations and accept help from other people.
I wasn’t able to organise an entire wedding on my own.
This shouldn’t be a shock to anyone who has had a wedding but it was a shock to me.
I expected to be able to cope. I demanded it of my body and mind and in the end I had to admit defeat and ask for help.
It’s a sobering lesson to learn, mental health issues often leave you feeling alone and when you have your own personal pressures to try and achieve things on your own it can be hard to ask for help.
However, asking for help is not a sign of weakness.
In reality I wasn’t defeated by my wedding but I learned a lesson from it.
Asking for help makes the day more enjoyable and more importantly people want to help you!
Without great friends and a wonderful husband I would not have made it to my wedding day and I certainly wouldn’t have had such a smooth running day in the end.
So to my brides to be I say, always ask for help.
To my fellow sufferers from mental health issues I say, always ask for help.
To my grieving readers once again I say always ask for help.
We don’t have to face the trials and tribulations of life alone and there is always help available.
I have said it many times before but my wedding was where I learned the lesson once again.
Asking for help is ok.