This morning I felt terrible. I was super low. I hated myself and I didn’t know if I could face the day or even get out of bed.
Right now I feel amazing, I am buzzing and I want to run around in circles or maybe dance or maybe fly off to somewhere exotic and leave mundane life behind.
Right now I feel like I have had a million coffees.
I feel like I could do anything, take any bad news on my chin and take on the world.
There is still anxiety
But it is more like nervous energy.
I want to go for a run or a walk or a leap.
However, I have a few things I have to do today. Like write for a living and run later with my husband so I am trying very hard to contain myself.
I feel like I’m going to explode I have so much nervous power at the moment. I feel powerful.
I feel like I might start crying too.
This is what it feels like to be on the high end of cyclothymic disorder.
In the space of a few hours I have gone from suicidal to being able to rule the world.
I feel like I am on the edge of madness.
Now what do I do?
Well I am trying to bring myself down to normal, to calm, to sanity.
This blog is the only thing I could think of doing that wasn’t financially or physically risky. I am itching to spend some money on my credit card.
Itching to plan an adventure and go somewhere exciting.
Sitting still in my room typing rapidly is still too slow.
It is torture.
I want something to happen and I want it to happen now.
What can you do when you are on a high?
All I have been able to do is warn my friends and husband that I am on a high and hope that they can stop me doing something that I will probably regret later.
I am using all my mental will power and strength to ‘act normal.’
Don’t spend on the credit card.
Don’t go out in just your pyjamas for a walk
Don’t Don’t Don’t
My only advice from this side of bipolar/cyclothymic disorder is have a good support system so that when you are ready to leap there is someone to catch you when you fall.