This week I went back to the GPs only to be told that they wouldn’t want to mess with the medication I’m on so I have to wait for a Consultant to see me.

All well and good, but not really the best of options when the waiting list is months not weeks.

It also makes me worry about the medication that I’m on because if the GP won’t touch it then what the hell am I taking?

I hate my medication.

Thanks to it I have ballooned in weight.

I wish, I really wish I had never started it.

Even when I was ill before I wasn’t as bad as I am now and I blame my medication for messing with my head unsuccessfully.

At the time when I started I thought I would pay any price for sanity.

It turns out sanity, is overrated and very hard to achieve.

I still haven’t been “cured”.

I now realise that there is no cure.

Just pills to manage the worst of things.

Well now I’m fed up.

Nothing is managed and now I’m fat.

Thanks for nothing.

You may think I’m about to be a hypocrite because now I’m going to say something weird.

I think pills can work for depression.

If you’re depressed go ahead take the pills they work.

Pills do not work for forms of bipolar in my case anyway. I cannot really speak for anyone else. Hell if you have bipolar and have some great pills that work comment below and hook a sister up! So I’ll stop trying to be street it doesn’t work for me.

But my points are pills don’t work for me.

Where do I go from here?  I have to wait months until I see someone who supposedly knows what they’re doing. And when I do see them I’ll cry because I’m so angry and frustrated and it all bubbles out when I see someone in the form of tears.

God how I hate those tears.

They stop me expressing myself properly.

They invoke pity.

I don’t want pity I want a solution and I want one that doesn’t make me fat.

The drugs they peddle don’t work.

I can’t come off my current medication without seeing a consultant so now I just have to wait.

Frustrated, badly managed and on the edge of a breakdown.

Great.

Still, a part of me thinks, maybe, just maybe I haven’t had the right kind of pills yet.

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